| Feeling a big too cheery for our Virtual Pity Party ? This simple meditation will help to put and keep you in the proper rotten state of mind necessary to really get the most out of our pity party:
 Look at your toes...hopefully still at the ends of your feet...and start recounting every rotten thing that has been done or said to you during your lifetime, until you reach the maudlin stage.
Then, remind yourself that at least a third of those things probably were true...still concentrating on the ends of your toes...until you pass through the maudlin stage to the depressed stage.
~ The Black Hole of Calcutta of Depression ~
When you have reached that point, you must continue to concentrate on these horrendous events, while still concentrating on your toes, until you are certain that you have reached the Black Hole of Calcutta depth of depression. At that time, you may discontinue your meditation and sorrowfully go about your business until party time.
Just prior to the pity party, you should conduct a short reinforcement session. Then, being certain you are wearing open-toed shoes, you are ready to join your guests.
Should you find you might be approaching enjoyment at the party, all you have to do is look down at your toes for a few minutes in order to recapture the appropriate mood. And if you have meditated long and well beforehand, this should not happen any more often than two or three times an hour. Should any of your guests notice your concentration on your toes, they will quite properly attribute it to depression.
~ Never, ever do this meditation alone ~
So, you see, it's really very simple. But I should forewarn you that you should never, ever undertake this course of meditation alone, in case you overshoot the mark and attain the suicidal stage.
Of course, if your toes are not still at the ends of your feet, you may bypass the entire procedure, since that alone should be sufficient to induce the appropriate state of depression. - Lynn W. |
